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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29729841">Thoughts Of Creators</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuckeyeKitty/pseuds/BuckeyeKitty'>BuckeyeKitty</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>MYCT Songfics [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Hopeful Ending, Songfic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 20:01:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,738</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29729841</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuckeyeKitty/pseuds/BuckeyeKitty</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Sleepy Bois are creators and all have different ways to deal with the problems that come with.</p><p> </p><p>Song: Toxic Thoughts by Faith Marie</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>No Romantic Relationship(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>MYCT Songfics [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2028254</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Thoughts Of Creators</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This does not reflect the actually creators mental state.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> I start this off staring at a blank page </em>
</p><p> </p><p>A young man in a yellow sweater sat at a wooden desk with a computer in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> An open office document </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He took off his maroon beanie and set it on his desk.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> A blinking cursor </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He sighed deeply running a hand through his hair.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Passing days </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He glanced at the last edited portion of the document, 2 days ago. I taunted him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Without a single word </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The blankness of the document glowed white onto his face.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Some say it’s absurd </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He glanced at the empty plate next to him, his roommate had brought it up to him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Like I float along a stream of words unsaid. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>His head was loud, so many lyrics and notes bounced around in his head.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Choosing not to cast my net </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He couldn’t get half of the ideas out on paper.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> But I spent so long questioning myself </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t feel confident enough in any of his songs, even once he posted them.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> If this isn’t right </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He ran his hand through his hair again, he set his head on his arms.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Then does that mean I failed? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He couldn’t stand being a failure again, he needed to succeed.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Will my melodies ever live up </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He poured his heart and soul, he put a piece of himself, into his music.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Will my metaphors be profound enough </em>
</p><p> </p><p>His brain was a babbling brook, it never fucking shut up. He set his chin up on his arms to be ab;e to see the blank document.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Will I ever outdo myself </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He always had to do better, be better, every song, every video had to be better than the last.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> The ceiling gets higher and higher </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The bar was so high, he’s set it so high.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> It’s harder and harder to shatter </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He couldn’t reach the bar anymore, it was far to high.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> And when I fall </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He was falling, the floor was being ripped out from under him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I fall worse than I ever did before </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He was so far down, the bar was so far away.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Evaluating the damage, no, I just don’t understand it </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He felt like he was losing his mind, he needed help.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Conflicted by the very air I breathe </em>
</p><p> </p><p>  When did breathing become hard, when did it start to hurt.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> A love with hatred laced between </em>
</p><p> </p><p>How did he know his friends and family weren’t lying to him. How did he know they didn’t hate him. His discord dinged.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> You can see it in my eyes </span>
</p><p> </p><p>A blond haired teen sat at his computer desk, Minecraft open.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> A child’s spark light up the night </span>
</p><p> </p><p>His blue eyes had the usual bright spark in them.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> Constant search for approval, suffered by refusal </span>
</p><p> </p><p>His parents never gave him the praise he so desperately wanted, needed.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> Devouring my skull but never feeling full </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He felt like he was going to collapse, but he kept going.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> Oh dear, I don’t wanna be a burden </span>
</p><p> </p><p>God, he felt like a fucking burden, maybe the assholes at school were right.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> But could you please be a little more concerned with </span>
</p><p> </p><p>Me, push me, please. He needed his friends to push him. His friends talked and believed him when he said he was fine.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> The overactive mind of a believer </span>
</p><p> </p><p>His mind didn’t shut the fuck up, he wished it would.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> The toxic thoughts of an overachiever </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He needed to get bigger, his parents would have to praise him, right?</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> Oh dear, if only you could feel it </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He wished every hater could live a day in his shoes. A 16 year old with 6 million subscribers and 80k average twitch viewers. Then they could feel how he felt every day.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> The crippling fear of being deserted </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He was too annoying, too loud, for the kids at school. He was used to being alone, he didn’t want his online friends to leave.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> You can’t touch the heat of this fever </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He felt like shit, a common feeling these days.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> The toxic thoughts of an overachiever </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He had to get bigger, it was the only thing he had.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I start this off a little confused</b>
</p><p> </p><p>He looked around for his glasses, his dyed Pink hair fell into his face.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Writer’s block doesn’t exist</b>
</p><p> </p><p>He placed his glasses on his face and got out of his bed. He stretched.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>It’s not a word I’m supposed to use</b>
</p><p> </p><p>His brown roots were showing through the pink he had dyed his hair after losing a bet.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Because it’s all in my mind</b>
</p><p> </p><p>He hated the stares he got from the color of his hair but he liked the color.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>A parasite I’m supposed to find</b>
</p><p> </p><p>He would have to go to the store to get the dye again or go to the salon. Social interaction absolutely not.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>But sometimes</b>
</p><p> </p><p>He left his room to go get something to eat.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Well, most times</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Nobody was in the kitchen which was normal, but he was glad for it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>It’s so hard to define</b>
</p><p> </p><p>His friends would ask how he felt, he couldn’t tell them, he couldn’t explain.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>So I pour a couple drinks</b>
</p><p> </p><p>He grabbed a cup and filled it up with water.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Getting drunk on gasoline</b>
</p><p> </p><p>He went back to his room and powered on his computer.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Fire pulses in my veins</b>
</p><p> </p><p>He opened up Minecraft, he felt so much, everything was so much.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I’m sick of waiting for the day</b>
</p><p> </p><p>He wasn’t going to wait to do what he wanted, he was going to do it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>That courage over takes my brain</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Everyone says he must be so brave to put himself on the internet, he wasn’t.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>For someone to say it’s okay</b>
</p><p> </p><p>He would have to open up if he wanted help. He didn’t want help, he could do it himself.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I’ve lived my whole life afraid</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Besides what would his friends think. He didn’t want to lose them.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>It’s time for me to be brave</b>
</p><p> </p><p>He opened a document and started typing out his thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>To embrace a forest</b>
</p><p> </p><p>It was so vulnerable, it almost made him gag. It wasn’t how he usually was.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>That’s so dark and unknown</b>
</p><p> </p><p>He got ready to send it to the self appointed Dad friend.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Because no great adventurer has a paved path to roam</b>
</p><p> </p><p>There was no right way to do this he knew that.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>They pave as they go</b>
</p><p> </p><p>He knew he had to do this, he had to.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Disappointed faces leaving poisoned bread crumb traces</b>
</p><p> </p><p>He was so goddamn scared, but he had to.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I’m not taking the bait</b>
</p><p> </p><p>His friends wouldn’t ditch him, they wouldn’t hold it against him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Let them rot in their place</b>
</p><p> </p><p>He sent the document and went to farm some potatoes.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> I deserve to be alright </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He took a deep breath and smiled.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> I deserve to sleep at night </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He was staring at the ceiling, insecurities and worries running through his head.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> I’m my closet friend, I remind myself again </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He had himself no matter what, he knew that.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> Better treat him well, ‘cause he’s with me till the end </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He picked up the trash the was around his room, he put the clothes on the ground in the hamper and put away his clean ones.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> Oh dear, I don’t wanna be a burden </span>
</p><p> </p><p>The assholes at school were just that assholes. They were wrong.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> But could you please be a little more concerned with </span>
</p><p> </p><p>His best friend, as well as his second family, had taken to asking him continuously about how he was doing off stream.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> The overactive mind of a believer </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He had music playing in his headphones as he did his homework.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> The toxic thoughts of an overachiever </span>
</p><p> </p><p>The music drowned out his thoughts so he could focus on the work in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> Oh dear, if only you could feel it </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He wondered what the haters would do in his position, he did truly wonder.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> The crippling fear of being deserted </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He still was worried about his friends leaving him, he couldn’t stop worrying about it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> You can’t touch the heat of this fever </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He finished his homework and messaged his best friend to say so.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> The toxic thoughts of an overachiever </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He kept growing, kept getting bigger, with his friends by his side.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <b> <em>Sometimes I forget the feeling </em> </b> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>A blond man was mining off stream.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <b> <em>Of every single nerve tingling</em> </b> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He smiled as he did so, he enjoyed playing Minecraft.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <b> <em>Better than any lover’s touch</em> </b> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>His wife was out shopping, she was getting groceries.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <b> <em>I’ve created tears of pain and burns of lust</em> </b> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He had discord open just in case someone wanted to talk to him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <b> <em>That others have found</em> </b> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He never expected to blow up, become ‘famous’.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <em> <b>Some attempt to destroy and others feed the ground</b> </em> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>There was haters there always was, but he focused on the real fans and his friends.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <b> <em>Fertilize my mind with melodies and rhymes</em> </b> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He was so proud of the three creators he has taken under his wings. It’s ironic everyone portrays him with wings.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <b> <em>A sorcerer of time, take you back to the night</em> </b> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>If he could help only a handful of people, it would all he worth it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <b> <em>When you pondered your death when somebody left</em> </b> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>His discord dinged, he pressed escape and tabbed out.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <b> <em>When you lie away broken ‘cause your head is </em> <em>unkempt</em> </b> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He read through the document and started to type out a response.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <b> <em>And let me remind you</em> </b> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He was glad his friend came to him for help.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <b> <em>That everything is temporary</em> </b> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He sent his response and hoped it helped.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <b> <em>You and I are temporary</em> </b> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He went to go back to mining when he realize he hadn’t gotten any messages from the oldest of the three.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <b> <em>And this feeling that’s so scary</em> </b> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He sent a quick message just asking how his day was going.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <b> <em>Someday you’ll realize that thoughts so heavy</em> </b> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He saw his friend was typing it was taking a little bit so he went back to mining.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <b> <em>Doesn’t mean you’re unsteady</em> </b> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>Discord dinged and he paused and read the long message.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <b> <em>But that you’re only getting ready to say nice to meet you</em> </b> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He typed out a response, smiling softly both of them were so different but they both came to him for help.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <b> <em>To somebody you never knew</em> </b> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He sent the response off and went back to Minecraft, smiling fondly.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <b> <em>You</em> </b> </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!</p><p>Comments and Kudos appreciated!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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